Are you in an Abusive relationship?

We know we are in an abusive relationship when..
Men can also be victims
Types of abuse
The Abuser
Support network
Abuse doesn't have to be Violent
The Bottom Line
Tell someone about it.
EXIT: Time to escape

Under the Housing Act, housing departments of district councils have a statutory responsibility to put a roof over the head of someone who is fleeing domestic violence. This service is open to everyone and not just those who have previously lived in council property.

We know that we are in an abusive relationship when we have to change the way we behave, act, think, believe, speak, worship, dress, or look because we fear our (so called) partner's reaction  

This fear is all too often founded in our own painful experiences of what has happened to us in the past. It is a terror of being re-subjected to our abuser’s preferred method of punishing us for failing to keep (or make) him or her happy.

This 'punishment' usually involves us suffering some form of physical, mental or emotional hurt.

Paradoxically though, in the eyes of the abuser our punishment is right and fitting. Not only is it justified (he or she had to ‘punish us’ for our disobedience) but it is also self-inflicted. We have done it to ourselves. The punishment is our fault. The abuser never has any choice in the matter. We give him or her no choice. It will always be our fault.

Abusers are skilled at gaining and maintaining control over us through manipulation. This control has the effect of totally undermining us as individuals. The way we live, who we are and the way we view ourselves As a consequence of careful manipulation we begin to understand that when we do not 'obey' we are in the wrong and so we very quickly learn that the fault lies in us - so whatever happens - it's our fault.


Without even realising what is happening, being abused  disables our judgement and prevents us from  recognising the true danger of our situation.
The truth is that we are in a potentially very dangerous place; and could end up seriously injured, hospitalised or dead

If we can relate to the above, then we are probably being abused or trapped inside an abusive relationship. 


Regardless of whatever the abuser says. No matter how he or she excuses his or her punishment or treatment of us. We need to realise that we are in a very dangerous place. Beware of promises that it will never happen again.


Abusers often claim that they are simply being over protective because of his or her love for us. This sounds a good thing but what it really means is that he or she is over possessive. Not protective - possessive. 


Even this 'concept' is worrying. As human beings we can and do become possessive over things. We regard objects as things to be owned or possessed. We collect things and turn them into collections. So, when abusers speak of being (protective) they are speaking of being protective of their property. Their possession.This suggests that in the mind of the abuser, he or she believes that we really are his or her personal possession or property.


But (let's be honest) being a possession of one who owns us has nothing to do with a loving affectionate relationship. But it does have everything to do with the enslavement of of one person by another. 


Relationships based on slave and slave owner are not loving relationships