Tell someone about it.

We know we are in an abusive relationship when..
Men can also be victims
Types of abuse
The Abuser
Support network
Abuse doesn't have to be Violent
The Bottom Line
Tell someone about it.
EXIT: Time to escape



None of us should be abused. None of us. 


We are not slaves. None of us deserve to be owned and treated as a possession. None of us.


Unfortunately, many of us are being abused. Many of us are treated as slaves, many of us are owned and are treated as possessions.


The obvious question is: "What can we do about it ?"


Well, first of all we do not need to accept it. The good news is that we are not alone. We are not isolated.


Wherever we happen to be, there are agencies and individuals who are there and waiting to help us in time of our greatest need.


Being abused or being trapped in an abusive relationship certainly puts us in definite need of the help of these people.  So we must try not to forget that they really are there for us - they are waiting to hear from us.


We do not have to contact them today (if we don't want to) but it is good to know that there IS someone out there who is on our side.


Whatever happens it is important that we... 

  • Do not pretend that nothing has happened or nothing is happening
  • Do not simply rub our wounds and say nothing. 
  • Do not just swallow our hurt, bottle up our feelings and suffer in silence 
  • Accept that what we are going through is wrong and will not simply go away.
  • Accept that something needs to be done and WE need to do it.  
  • Accept that the first step in ending what we are going through is to tell someone about it.
  • Recognise that whatever is happening to us is not our fault and we are not to blame for it.
  • It is NOT our fault that someone else is abusing us.

Unfortunately, the harsh truth is that around the world there really are countless others of us who are going through (or have gone through) what you are going through. Whilst some have survived and have moved on to live a "normal" (non-abusive) life - far too many have not. Having said that...


Millions worldwide HAVE  survived, and so can you. 


No one knows how many millions of us have escaped from abuse. How many millions have ensured that it will never happen again. How many millions have moved on and now lead happy (or happier) lives; and (here comes the point) so can you.


Some of these individuals who have escaped and have rebuilt their lives now operate help-lines etc. These help-lines are dedicated to helping others to move on and build new lives for themselves - and their children. These people await your call.


It really does go without saying but the first (most important) step to take is to tell someone about what has happened or what is happening. 


Help-lines exist for this very purpose.  


However, for your own security please do not use your home phone, and if you use your mobile, please erase the record. Cover your tracks. Be careful and stay safe.


Apart from help-lines, there really is a lot of help available nowadays. Online Communities and local support groups spring to mind.


The Internet is a great source of information and support. Please use it.


A couple of words of warning. If calling an helpline be warned that your call might appear on an itemised telephone bill. Protect yourself and use a public telephone.


Similarly, it would be safer not to use a home-based computer anywhere near an abuser. One could try cyber cafes and publc libraries etc.

Some useful contacts (in no particular order) hope you find one of them helpful…


Action on Elder Abuse: The UK & IRELAND’s only national, free phone help line for anyone concerned in any way about the abuse of older people.       UK: 0808 808 8141       ROI: 1800 940 010

E-mail to: enquiries@elderabuse.org.uk please remember that if you use e-mail, your confidentiality cannot be guaranteed,

 Website Address   http://www.elderabuse.org.uk


The greatest form of elder abuse is said to be psychological, physical and financial


ChildLine 0800 1111 Free help line for children and young people in the UK.                Website Address http://www.childline.org.uk/


National Domestic Abuse Helpline    free phone 0808 2000 247

Women's Aid National Help line         Local Rate 0345 023468 


Domestic Abuse Helpline (men)        (0161) 8398574 


Relate (National Helpline)                  0800 9805907


Samaritans                                         (01325) 465465 


If you are gay/lesbian and suffering from domestic violence in Wales, you can call the Dyn Project on 0808 801 0321. 


  E: info@womensaid.org.uk


England Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247


Wales Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 80 10 800 www.welshwomensaid.org

Scotland Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 027 1234 www.scottishwomensaid.co.uk

Northern Ireland 24-hour Domestic Violence Helpline: 0800 917 1414 www.niwaf.org
Republic of Ireland Domestic Abuse Helpline:  1800 341 900 (7 days a week from 10am to 10pm)


Jewish Women's Aid:  0800 591203

Jewish Women's Aid runs a free-phone national confidential helpline, available from 9am to 9pm Monday to Thursday. The organisation provides refuge and/or support to Jewish women and their children affected by domestic violence.


020 7251 8887  

Rights of Women Sexual violence legal advice phone

Rights of Women runs a sexual violence advice line and also provides free legal advice for women and produces free leaflets which you can download from their site (including ones on sexual violence and on sexual harassment). Monday 11am–1pm; Tuesday 10am–12noon. Textphone: 020 7490 2562. www.rightsofwomen.org.uk


08452 60 44 60 (Minicom 0207 231 3884) 

Broken Rainbow

Broken Rainbow supports lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people who are experiencing domestic violence. The national helpline offers a UK-wide confidential service giving information, support and advice on legal and housing options, safety and home security, and will make referrals to other services as appropriate. The helpline is available Monday–Friday 9am–1pm and 2–5pm. www.broken-rainbow.org.uk


Bully OnLine is the world's largest resource on workplace bullying and related issues

MENS ADVICE LINE:      0808 2000 247 (Free phone)



Click below if you are being bullied


I thought the website we have developed might be of interest to you and your visitors: www.counselling-directory.org.uk

The purpose of the site is ultimately to provide the UK with a huge counselling support network, enabling those in distress to find a counsellor close to them and appropriate for their needs. This is a free, confidential service that will hopefully encourage those in distress to seek help. The website also contains a number of sections on emotional disorders (types of distress section) and provides some useful statistics. Every counsellor on the site who has submitted their profile has either sent a copy of their qualifications and insurance cover to us, or is registered with a professional body online with recognised codes of ethics and practice, this way we can be assured of their professionalism.

I was wondering if you would be able to provide a link to our website, possibly to this page: http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/abuse.html from your 'Counselling Support' section here: http://bankofsouls.tripod.com/abuse/id7.html. I think our site could be a useful resource for those looking for support or general advice about counselling.

Thank you very much for your time, I hope to hear from you soon.

Kindest regards

Debbie Hursey (Mrs)
e: debbie@counselling-directory.org.uk
w: www.counselling-directory.org.uk
t: 0844 3760 136

None of us need to suffer violence and abuse - none of us