Abuse of Love

We know we are in an abusive relationship when..
Men can also be victims
Types of abuse
The Abuser
Support network
Abuse doesn't have to be Violent
The Bottom Line
Tell someone about it.
EXIT: Time to escape

Citizens Advice Bureaux East Midlands

Buxton: 01298 79692
                                                                                Ashbourne: 01335 346873                                                                             Staveley: 01246 473668                                                                  Clay Cross: 01246 863550                                                  Chesterfield: 01246 209164                                              Chesterfield: 01246 860470                                                                         Derby: 01332 343120                                                               Glossop: 01457 855869                                                           New Mills: 01663 747026                                                       Ilkeston: 0115 932 0145                                                    Matlock: 01629 583539

Brackley: 01280 704135                                                                    Corby: 01536 203552                                                                     Daventry: 01327 706464                                                                            Daventry: 01327 701693                                                                         Kettering: 01536 482321                                                                                           Northampton: 01604 636000                                                                                                                               Rushden: 01933 317311  
Thrapston: 01832 734840
                                                                                                  Wellingborough: 01933 274343

Boston: 01205 352666                                                             Bourne: 01778 393102                                                             Gainsborough: 01427 612561                                               Grantham: 01476 567084                                                         Lincoln: 01522 828600                                                                      Louth: 01507 609582                                                        Sleaford: 01529 307077                                                      Spalding: 01775 769693                                                    Stamford: 01780 757621

Blaby: 0116 277 9072                                                        Braunstone: 0116 263 1255                                                      Broughton Astley: 01455 282430
Coalville : 01530 835500                                                                   Glenfield: 0116 287 1874
                                                     Hinckley: 01455 636051                                                        Leicester: 0116 255 4212                                             Loughborough: 01509 267374                                              Lutterworth: 01455 557375                                                     Market Harborough: 01858 466850                                         Melton Mowbray: 01664 565882                                                 Oakham: 01572 723012                                                       Shepshed: 01509 506663                                                             Syston: 08701 264096                                                                Wigston: 0116 288 786



Arnold: 0115 854 6000

Beeston: 0115 917 5800
Sutton-in-Ashfield: 01623 405300
Worksop: 01909 533533                                                                                                                                                                   Mansfield: 01623 433433
Newark: 01636 654654
West Bridgford: 0115 914 1500













If you are planning to leave, these are ideas that might help you. They are suggestions and you do not have to have arranged all these things before you can leave.
Try to find a safe place to go (a friend’s house, family or a refuge)
Arrange a signal with a friend, which may need to be in code, so that you can be helped to escape
Try to have enough money put away in case you need a taxi, bus or train fare quickly
Gather together documents such as child and other benefit books, passports, birth certificates, rent books, mortgage details etc. and keep them in a safe place that you can get to easily
Have an extra set of keys cut for your house or anywhere else you may need to access. Remember to take a set of house keys with you
Keep a list of emergency contacts, e.g. school, GP, support services, in a safe place
Hide a small bag of essential items in a safe place together with any toiletries, baby things or personal items that you might need
If you have children, remember to take their favourite toy or comforter
Making the decision to leave is a big step but one that people take successfully every day. You are not alone and there is lots of help available to support you.
How you can help someone else *
If someone comes to you for help, listen and don’t try to take control. The following points may help you:
Take the person seriously and believe what they say
Be calm and positive
Respect their wishes at all times. Ask what they want
Give them time to discuss feelings and needs at their own pace
Stress that they are not responsible for the abuse and that they are not alone
Find out if they need medical help
Use this website to find an organisation that can help
Do not push them to do anything they are not ready to do. They are probably the best
judge of what the best way forward is and what action is safe.
Assist them in making contact with agencies who may be able to help, e.g. Police, Next Link, legal advice
Help them to keep safe by making a safety plan
Assure them of your confidentiality unless there are child protection issues which must be reported.
* Check whether it is safe to contact them and what the safest way is of keeping in touch.
Some people leave a violent and abusive relationship after only one incident. Others may take a long time to make this change in their lives. This does not mean that the violence is less serious. It is important that if someone feels unable to leave, they continue to receive help and support and a sympathetic response. There are organisations that can help women who are not ready to leave. Click here for organisations in Bristol who provide information and support for people experiencing domestic abuse.


  • Are you afraid of your partner?
  • Do you feel isolated, bullied or belittled?
  • Is your partner possessive and controlling?
  • Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells?
  • Does your partner threaten you or your children?
  • Does your partner deny the abuse or blame you?
  • Does your partner hit, push or kick you?

More examples of abusive behaviour 

  • controlling the finances
  • hurting you emotionally
  • subjecting you to sexual abuse
  • hurting you physically
  • damaging your possessions
  • smashing up the furniture
  • threatening to kill the pets
  • threatening to kidnap or get custody of the children
  • driving fast because he knows it scares you
  • locking you out of the house during an argument
  • telling you what to wear or how to do your hair.

If you recognise any of the above behaviours then its likely you are a victim of domestic abuse.

You are not alone. It's not your fault. You have the right to feel safe.

Abuse comes in a startling variety of shapes and sizes. Paradoxically, the dark side of love is widely acknowledged to be a major source of abuse.


“Loving” someone too much can be abusive. This can happen when one partner (the user/abuser controller) regards the other partner has being his or her own personal property to use (or abuse) as he, or she, sees fit.


Viewing (and treating) a partner as a personal possession is not healthy. It takes away our humanity and reduces us into being no more than a chattel. Something to guard jealously as a means of satisfying personal gratification.


To emotionally imprison in the name of love is clearly abusive.


Emotional imprisonment can lead to other more sinister forms of imprisonment.


Whilst true love is light and liberating. The love of a user/abuser/controller is dark and dangerous.

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