There are far too many different types of abuse
in the world today. Domestic Abuse and Child Abuse are the two most widely publicised of the headline grabbers.
Apparently there are said to be SEVEN 'types' of abuse. These are
Without doubt the most common and obvious form of abuse for us to have to live with is physical
assault. Slaps, punches, kicks, bites, pinches, whipping, hair pulling (etc) and any other intentional act intended to
cause us pain, misery and physical damage.
To be on the receiving end of such mean, spiteful and malicious brutality is one of the
ways we are robbed of our identity, our feelings. our self-value or will of our own.
Physical abuse robs us of our humanity. It is the way that the slave owner beats
his or her slave into silent submission. It is to be treated as far less than a human being should be treated. No longer human
beings with our own rights. Disempowered. No longer able to think or act for ourselves we become true "objects" and regarded
When we are 'owned' in this way: The violence we experience is to 'remind' us that we
are the physical property of our owner and that our lives are now in his or her hands.
Clearly it is impossible for us to know how many millions of us worldwide are actually trapped
in sexually abusive relationships.
In many ways sexual abuse appears to be an extension of physical abuse. Unlike 'normal'
lovemaking activities, sexual abuse can involve any or all possible forms of 'deviant' assault, incest, rape, buggery
and even paedophile activity is common. All to satisfy the momentary gratification of the abuser owner's power lust to dominate
and belittle us.
In this type of ownership/relationship the one being used appears to have no more
importance to the abuser than any other type of sexual aid or toy.
In contrast to physical or sexual abuse:'Tactile Abuse' is reported to involve extremely
little (or even no) actual physical contact between abuser and abused. However, what little contact there is usually
unusually harsh, violent, punitive, unjust, unfair and simply not appropriate.
In a sense, it appears that the only 'use' the abuser has for the abused is
to punish him or her.
This is the name given to that category of abuse in which our very existence, our identity,
our feelings, and our rights are crushed, rejected, trampled and ignored. HENCE THE NAME "EXISTENCE ABUSE"
Existence abuse is where those of us who find ourselves trapped
in abusive relationships constantly and continuously find our needs, wishes, wants, thoughts, ideas and suggestions simply
dismissed out of hand. No matter how good, or ingenious they may be - they are ignored or dismissed as rubbish.
Existence abuse is the way by which an abuser feels that he
or she needs to 'educate' us that we are nothing and everything we do or say is also nothing. This psychologically enslaves
us by making us come to terms with the fact that our existence (without our owner) is meaningless. We have no value, we have
no need, all we have is a 'protector (guard) who will do everything (including thinking) for us.
How lucky we are.
Spiritual or Cult Abuse
This refers to the time when we might be forced to accept the bigoted, narrow, prejudiced,
blinkered, spiritual, racial, religious, philosophical, political, historical, UNQUESTIONABLE cult-like views of the abuser to the exclusion of any other way of thinking, believing,
acting or being.
These views must not be questioned just accepted as absolute truth.
Failure to accept the controller's beliefs may result in us facing painful punishment for some imagined form of blasphemy,
or worse, heresy.
Emotional abuse is
the name given to the situation in which one of us uses his or her power to gain a controlling affect on the emotional well
being of another. Emotional abuse comes in a wide variety of forms, including cold shoulder rejection, degradation, isolation,
corruption, exploitation, and even terror.
When we are subjected
to emotional abuse we frequently respond by becoming withdrawn. We often experience feelings of emotional instability; depression,
low self-esteem, severe anxiety, fearfulness, feelings of shame and guilt, self blame and self-depreciation, sleep disturbances,
frequent crying, inappropriate behaviour, underachievement etc.
We also tend to avoid
eye contact, become overly compliant but feel unable to trust or feel uncomfortable in the presence of others. We can experience
a number of physical complaints that have no medical basis. We become prone to suicidal thoughts and self harming activities
We may be being emotionally
When we understand the feelings of others, but he or she never attempts to understand
ours When he or she dismisses our difficulties or our issues as unimportant or an overreaction. When he or she consistently
invalidates our feelings.
When he or she does not listen to a word we say
When his or her needs come first and ours don’t count.
When we are expected to do things we find unpleasant, humiliating or unacceptable.
When we find ourselves walking on eggshells so as not to upset him or her.
When he or she ignores fact and logic and ‘reacts’ to remain the centre
When he or she manipulate us into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do
with us When he or she attempts to destroy our ‘outside’ support by belittling that support. This he or she does
in an effort to retain exclusive control over our emotions and our lives.
When he or she never takes responsibility for hurting us or others
When he or she blames everyone / everything else for any misfortune in his or her
When he or she sees himself / herself as being victims or hard done to,
When he or she constantly expects preferential treatment in every situation.
When we are always compared negatively to everyone else.
Rather like Jeckyll and Hyde: He or she ‘loves’ us when our behaviour
is acceptable to him or her, but will cruelly abuse us when he or she is not happy with our behaviour. Typically, he or she
isn’t usually happy with our behaviour. He or she treats everyone else kindly, and never emotionally abuses anyone else
Abusers frequently withhold their love from those of us who need that love. By so doing he
or she demonstrates control over us by depriving us of love.
Abusers tend to put unreasonable conditions upon their 'love' and frequently use the threat
of withdrawing it as just another means to control our actions and our lives.
However, the abuser's threat of withdrawing his or her love is often accompanied
by a much darker. more menacing threat to his or her possession.
Psychological abuse often takes the form of physical
intimidation, controlling a person life and activities through menace, terror and oppression.
The intention of psychological abuse is mind control.
Control the mind - control the person. Enslave the mind - enslave the person.
Like all other forms
of abuse, psychological abuse is bullying. Bullying is used to control the lives and actions of the abused by
violence, the threat of violence, cruelty etc. Like all other forms of abuse, psychological abuse serves to deny us of
our individuality, identity and our value as individuals. Once these are denied to us we become the property of the abuser.
Psychological weapons used often include sarcasm and an ongoing relentless bullying by constant
criticism of a trivial and unjustified nature.
Couple this incessant assault with a 'brickwall' refusal to acknowledge any positive
qualities on the part of the one being abused, and the consequence has been known to lead us to suicide.
What about Love?
is possibly the most common smoke screen used by abusers to disguise their true intentions towards his or her intended
'dark side' of love is widely acknowledged to be a major source of abuse.
many of their excesses by claiming that they are done in the name of love. That things 'happened' because he or she loves
us too much. In a sense even this will become our fault.
claim that their abusive, controlling, menacing, manipulating, cruel, spiteful and selfish activities are undertaken
in the name of love is a typical deception.
idea that an abuser loves his or her abused is both wrong and another deception. Abusers often regard their consort/servant
as being their personal property to use (or abuse) as he, or she, sees fit.
and treating a 'partner' (an equal) as a personal possession is sinister, and reduces that 'partner' to being no
more than a chattel, possession or object.
the material nature of the society in which we live, all property owners need to protect their property from theft.
the abuser needs to guard his or her property jealously in case 'his or her possession' is stolen - or 'his or her possession'
manages to escape.
this situation 'his or her possession's' only value is the pleasure that he or she provides the abuser.
love of the abuser is the love of the satisfying personal gratification that he or she experiences through enslaving
love of an abuser is an emotional (and sometimes physical) prison. To emotionally imprison another in
the name of love is enslavement.
true love is light and liberating. The love of a user/abuser/controller is dark, menacing and dangerous
All types of abusive relationship involving the control, abuse and ownership of one of
us by another whose intention is to own, control and punish us are similar to slavery.
To maintain this control over us, too many abusers will inflict pain, suffering and
physical and emotional damage upon us.
This has nothing to do with love, only love of self and indulging oneself.