come in all shapes and sizes, but by the virtue of them being abusers, they share many common characteristics.
the abuser, nothing of any real importance exists outside himself or herself. 'Meaningful' others are no more than extensions to
be manipulated, like chess pieces. Others (who see themselves as partners) can become 'absorbed'. Can become internal,
assimilated controllable 'objects' – no longer external independent 'subjects' with thoughts and feelings of their
So, what is an Abuser?
It is widely accepted that there are those amongst us who have a deep, dark and sinister (psychological / emotional)
need to possess or own us.
In an attempt to assert their control over us, these would be owners will abuse, dominate, deceive,
menace, lie, cheat, insult, demean, ignore, bully, intimidate and terrify any of us who have fallen into their 'spiders
web' of manipulative deceit. These carefully constructed traps have only one purpose, and that is to physically,
psychologically and emotionally entrap or ensnare us.
In this respect, abusers are dangerous predators, and we - their prey.
The single-minded objective of the abuser is to own and control us for their own personal gratification.
This is said to demonstrate that those who would enslave us are unable to recognise that anyone
other than he or she has any feelings whatsoever.
would be owner, only his or her feelings are important. Only he or she counts - only he or she is important. Nothing
or no-one else counts or is important.
Because of this total
emotional one-sidedness, abusers make totally unreasonable demands on the rest of us.
Naturally they do
not see their demands as being unreasonable or unworkable. This being so, they cannot understand that they expect far too much from
Expecting far too much; abusers can
become quite intimidating and scary when we fail to conform to their impossibly high demands and standards.
Having imposed his or her strict regime's terms or conditions upon
us to live by (our unconditional terms of surrender)... The abuser/owner needs to be able to enforce his or her laws,
or risk losing the one that he, or she, seeks to own and control.
This 'enforcement' is often accomplished by means of an
unpleasantness titled: OVERT ABUSE.
meaning open: Overt abuse is the open, undisguised and explicit abuse of any one of us by another. This covers a wide
range of brutality which extends from being humiliated in public. to being hospitalised - or worse.
experience this type of abuse when we are struck, bitten, menaced, threatened, coerced, beaten, deceived, berated, demeaned,
chastened, insulted, humiliated, exploited, ignored (the cold shoulder or silent treatment), devalued, snubbed, unceremoniously
discarded, dumped, verbally assaulted, physically assaulted and sexually assaulted (etc) by our owner/abuser.
The end-of-the-world scenario happens
or she feels that he or she is losing control over us. The effect of this has been likened to someone losing control of a
limb, or more terrifying still, losing control of one’s mind.
situation is, that as long as the abuser is in control of us, he or she is able to cope, to function and to survive. But,
when the abuser's control is slipping away, he or she is no longer able to cope, to function or survive.
situation is likely to happen when we fail to obey his or her instructions, this may panic the abuser. Alarm
bells ring, informing him or her that something is seriously wrong. The abuser's world is in danger of collapse. He or she is no longer in control of
his or her world, and anything might happen.
he or she is not the centre of his or her world, then he or she is lost. The abuser probably feels that he or she is going
the bottom line is quite simple and quiet harsh for the ex abuser- how can one be an abuser without a person to abuse?
Some abusers will kill rather than become ex abusers.